Burnt Out.

I thought it would never end. For the last two months I've been landing so much work. A 3 week gig, then a 1 day gig, then a 2 week gig, then 2 two-day gigs...back to back to back to back...

When I was first starting to freelance as a PA, I was lucky to work 3 jobs a year. Now I'm at the point where I have to turn down job opportunities due to scheduling conflicts with other jobs...

...and it was exhilarating.

And suddenly, in the middle of this most recent job - it no longer was.

I...I simply couldn't bring myself to care anymore.

No matter how much I tried to get psyched, no matter how much I told myself that this is what I want to do, that I am trying to make a career out of this, no matter how much I told myself I should have the integrity to bring 110% on every job, no matter how much sugary beverages I drank...

...I just couldn't care. I wasn't exhausted, and it wasn't physical - not a sore back or aching feet - but nevertheless I felt completely drained - I just had no motivation anymore. I was bored, lethargic, and largely useless. My head was just not in the game at all.

It's weird though. I know there are people in this industry who work much harder and longer than I every have,  and are able to kick ass each and every day. People whose jobs make PA work seem positively cushy by comparison. And to think those are the kind of jobs I'm striving for.

I also had a terrible attitude. Everything pissed me off. I felt like the job was shitty, the people were shitty, and I felt shitty.  I know I'm meant for bigger and better things, but that doesn't give me the right to act like the PA work that's getting me by is beneath me. But I was sick of it all. Sick of the snafus, sick of driving around field producers, sick of learning the names of people I will never see again, sick of the crafty, sick of time cards, sick of I-9s, sick of minimum wage, sick of the responsibilities and the pressure. I probably came across as tactless, entitled, and arrogant at various points throughout the shoot. Like a highschooler on the last day of school before vacation.

I knew the longer I stayed, the worse it would get, so I opted out of the final day. This side of me is not the person I want people to meet on the job.

I think I need to take a break.

Transpo Duty

I don't want to come within 500 feet of one of these for at least a month

We've all seen them. Those white 15-passenger vans used to ferry talent and crew from place to place. Many times in my days as an extra I've clambered into the back of one of these while some schmuck with the easiest job in the world zipped me over to set.

Then I spent about 2 weeks driving them.

Amateur Hour

It was the final day of the 2nd week of production, and I was sitting in a cargo van on a dock. Any minute I was due to leave to wrap some set dressing on a different dock on the other end of the marina. But I was to await the arrival of [different PA] before I left. Those were my orders.

Within minutes, I saw my cue, as [different PA] pulled up in his 15 passenger van, returning from a run. With a quick wave and nod, I accelerated and zipped over to my location. Suddenly my walkie crackled. It was my supervisor. Screaming.

Feeling the P.A.in'

Haven't posted for a while. This is good. It means I've been working. Prior to this, I had weeks in between gigs to write up a blog entry. Hence my history of long-winded and overblown posts. Literally, because I was doing nothing.

But now it's just work. Work and sleep.

See, I finally got a car.

Yes, it's dented, gets horrible mileage, and has the perpetual "check engine" light...

But now my work radius has expanded exponentially. I've been shooting resumes off for every job opportunity I lay eyes on.

I recently scored a massive (relatively speaking) 3 WEEK gig. Exhilaration soon turned to frustration and annoyance as inefficiencies, communication breakdowns, and outright uncoolness (seriously, no coffee machine in the P.O.????) reared their ugly heads.

18 days straight I worked. My immune system is shot, and I feel a cold coming on.

I don't know how people can stick around for entire TV show runs or multi-month movie shoots.

I also don't know how people can maintain an active blog while working in this industry. Major props to y'all out there.

The Short Straw

Well, this is interesting. Now that I seem to be working with some semblance of regularity - if an average of 10 days per month can be considered "regularly"- I have now encountered the next hurdle: getting enough hours. If I'm going to work only 2 or 3 days a week, they'd better be long days.

See, I like to think I am young and spry enough to be able to pull 16, 17, 18 hour days. Just keep the coffee/Red Bull flowing. So I try to make it clear to production coordinators that if they need someone to be extra early or stay extra late, I'm the person for the job. Rack up that coveted OT.*

So when one of those major talent shows came to town for open auditions promising 5am-10pm days, I went cha-ching and my pupils turned into dollar signs.

Moving Forward

Earlier this week, after what had been an unseasonably dry winter, the heavens finally opened up. Several days of rain brought not only much need precipitation, but multiple jobs as well.

Perhaps my less than triumphant first job of the year was not the bad omen it seemed at the time. It's hard not to be superstitious when you fall on your face right out the gate like that. It's difficult not to think that it's setting the tone for whole year.

But then I got a phone call to help out with a series of interviews produced by a major media conglomerate. Turns out I was recommended for the job by the grip on that previous ill-fated gig...so whatever horrible thing I did to get the boot, apparently I left a positive impression on the local hires. Which made it all worth it.

More Ghosts and Stuff*

The new year seemed off to a miraculous start. It was like the floodgates holding back all the potential jobs for the entire month of December finally opened. I had finally discovered realitystaff.com, which seems to be the go-to site for traveling reality/documentary productions looking to hire locally. So with this new jobstream opened I entered the new year with a very positive outlook.

I Told Myself I Was Done With Freebies...

I finally cracked and took some unpaid work just for the sake of keeping busy. It beats spending the day in bed feeling depressed about not working. Besides, even if it is a dumb Youtube video filmed with a handycam and directed by a 67 year old who took some classes at the local public access station, you never know who you might meet. Turns out I'm not the only one who takes unpaid work just to keep busy when nothing else is going on - I hung out with some very driven individuals, including one I've worked with before. So there was some networking to be had.

Victorious

Above is the result of some quick thinking while gripping on another music video. (In fact, it was the same director/production company/etc as the last one I did) The first problem encountered was that we were absent the mount for this 4ft. 2-bank Kino Flo fixture. Fortunately, these Kino Flos are super lightweight and I simply kept the whole thing upright by clamping it with a gobo head. The second issue reared it's ugly head when when I plugged it in. And the tubes did not light up. Turns out the connectors on both of the tubes were busted - the part with the copper plates was separating from the housing that clamped onto the pins and held them in contact. So I devised this solution of using a pair of c-74s. Skills!

Now, if you're wondering why I'm creaming my shorts over an accomplishment that a more experienced individual would consider to be all in a day's work, well, let me explain. Honestly, I was starting to worry that all this line of work entailed was following orders, and that there wouldn't be moments for me to come up with creative solutions on the fly and "stand out" as an individual. But I guess there's no shortage of those moments after all. This tiny victory is just the morale boost I needed.

***

Just bought The Grip Book by Michael G. Uva and The Set Lighting Technician's Handbook by Harry C. Box. Geeked out and read them all in two days. Afterwards, still on a geeky high, I hit Home Depot to load up on the recommended tools of the trade. I think G&E is the place for me...


...Happy Thanksgiving...

7 Days

After weeks of mind-numbing unemployment, I had two back-to-back gigs - paid gigs - lasting a total of seven exhausting days. Not quite a tuna run, but a major step forward for me.

Like 90% of the work that I get, these were traveling productions of 5-7 crew members, coming up from LA or down from NY for a couple days of run-n-gun shooting. The only local hires are the PAs (yours truly) and maybe a sound guy.