Tuesday, June 1, 2010

So I graduated.

Yes, 5 years and 3 different schools later, I now have a B.A. in film.

Anyways, I'll still feel in my gut that I'm woefully unprepared to enter the industry (at least VFX-wise, which is what I want to pursue).

...and now I'm living with mom while I look for a job.

This isn't an insult against parents, or even those who still live with them, but damn, I feel so suffocated, so creatively stifled when I'm living at home. I'm constantly bored and almost lethargic. I'm pessimistic and grumpy. Because moving back home feels like such a massive step backwards, so regressive. I spent some of the most memorable years of my life in this house, yet there is no nostalgic value. I don't feel the calm and wistful emotions one expects to experience upon returning home. Instead, my head feels like it's going to explode.

I'm trying to find a job...any job really, not necessarily film related. It's hard enough finding a job in this economy, let alone one in THE most competitive industry around. I'm hoping I can eventually move to the East Bay...such an amazing place really. Berkeley, Albany, Oakland. I can spend an entire day there, just sitting on a park bench or something. It's like I get high on life when I'm down there. Or that could just be the cloud of pot smoke wafting over from that group of teenagers. Whatever. I can't explain it. There's just no place like it in the world I'd rather be. I feel awesome when I'm there. Like I can just choose a street and walk for miles, just to see what I can see...and I have. Like I can walk up to a stranger and just talk to them for hours...and I have. It's like the moment I step foot in that region my dying creative spark begins to burn bright again. I feel determined and confident whenever I'm there. I feel alive.

I'm planning on attending Berkeley City College this fall. Yeah, I know, I just graduated. But like I said, I still have a lot to learn. And guess what? Berkeley City College has entire classes that just focus on Final Cut, After Effects, Photoshop, 3D modeling. All the shit I wanted to learn and sort of expected the State Uni system to have. It's weird...it seems 2 year colleges are better equipped than 4 year unis. I spent a year at SFSU and all I did was GE bullshit. It was a 2-year community college that put a camera in my hand the first day.